Monday, April 05, 2010

The bane of my existence lately...

Why, oh, why, did I have two children 2 years and 3 days apart? I tell you, it has been ridiculous this year! For those of you with children, even though we try and remind our children that "life isn't always fair" do we not try to have a sense of balance when it comes to being fair? You count every jelly bean that goes into the Easter eggs because they WILL count them. And you don't do something special with one without plans to do something equally as special with the others, right? Well, these last four weeks have been a whirling dervish of balance and counterbalance.

Our conversations began with ideas of what they might want to do for their birthdays. For some reason I sometimes want to think of extra special ideas that we haven't done before but then I also realize that some of the "special" ideas cost more, the more children you invite... So I say, "Izzy, would you like to see if your very best friend, Ella, could come up around your birthday and you could go to the tea room and paint some pottery?" And she says that she would like to do that for her birthday! Great! A plan. :) Well, it just so happened that Aaron was going to come up two weeks before her birthday, so Ella came and we did the tea room thing while the big kids were at school. I brought my camera, took plenty of pictures... One special "party" down ! Right?

Then, Aiden decides that he would like to go to a movie with Aaron and Ben for his birthday! Okay! Easy enough. But, as it turned out, it wasn't feasible for Aaron to go to the movie on that trip so Aiden switched his idea and decided he wanted his Uncle Andy to go with them instead of Aaron. Awesome. No problem. Well, when push came to shove time got away from us and Andy didn't get to go to the movie. During this time, Emma, has felt left out because every body else in the family got to participate in a "party" thing except her. Aiden kindly offered for her to come along. So, the day after Andy went home, Ben purchased tickets and was planning to take the kids to the movie right after school. Then, Izzy says in a tearful squeally voice, "I'm the only kid who doesn't get to go to the movies?!" So Ben makes an executive decision that it will be a special trip with dad to the movies and he will do something else with Aiden for his birthday. (Let me remind you that it is one week and four days before Aiden's birthday still...) They have a great time and Ben and Aiden still have to plan something else.

Izzy gets stuck on the fact that Aiden gets to go to the movie (original plan) AND something else! Aiden tries to explain that it was NOT for his birthday because SHE came! Yikes... Somewhere else in all this Izzy says, "Mom, we need to send out invitations to my friends!" "For what", I say. "For a party!" :0 "You already had your party with Ella! That's what you chose to do!" (squeely voice)"I don't get to have anyone over for a party?!" WHAT? What just happened? All of a sudden it is getting closer to the day when she is going to turn 6 and her "party" has been nullified! I think I went numb.

As the actual birth days approached, we decided that we would be celebrating Aiden's birth (opening presents) on Monday (not Tuesday) because we also got invited to have dinner with friends and I left the decision up to Aiden since it was his special day. He was very excited to have his birthday dinner at their house so we brought the cake! Good times. On Monday, he had cub scouts, so he rushed through opening his presents after we ate dinner and totally forgot to use the camera. Ben snapped some with his iphone. At our friends, I totally forgot about bringing a camera, also! Our friends took some for us but I don't have them yet.

For Izzy's birth day we decided to have her special dinner AND presents on Thursday (not Friday). I asked her if she would like us to invite our neighbors over for dinner, her friend, and she thinks that that is a great idea! It's fun, I take plenty of pictures...

Finally after many lofty ideas of train rides and tons of fun, Ben and Aiden played glow-in-the-dark putt-putt golf and video games at the mall. They had a great time. No pics...

All in all, their birthdays were rather anticlimactic and I apparently have a favorite child of whom I take pictures of and one that I do not... And I cannot communicate all the unfairness that was expressed as some had birthday money to spend at all different times while everyone else looked on, suffering. And when some would buy candy and the others had to look on in envy, but then I buy some for the others to make it a fun evening , or whatever, and the one who used their money says, "That's not fair. I had to spend my money!" So I buy theirs... I am sick and tired of mediocre birthdays and trying to live a fair life. Shoot me! (But just with a bb gun, in the arm, or something.)

Here are pictures of one of my children... Please, let it be over....

5 comments:

Jess said...

Just reading this makes me want to poke my eyes out!!
Since my only two children have their birthdays only 1 week apart...is this what my future will hold??

Chelan said...

A friend of mine not only tells her kids that things aren't always going to be fair, she offers to make them "fair" by enforcing the same life of rules and habits and routines on her five year old son that she does on her nine year old daughter.

You could offer next year to take Aiden to the tea house with one friend since Izzy got to. Talk about fair. There ya go!

I'm so sorry for your pain. Honestly. It's nothing I want to experience. You made me hyperventilate just reading about it!

Eric and Tara said...

What the? I commented on this yesterday... Where did it go?
Anyway...
HOLY CRAP. I'm feeling so overwhelmed from just reading that post. Un. Freaking. Real. And for that reason I have now decided we will never celebrate birthday's. Ever.

Marta said...

man! I'm tired for you! We're just getting into this battle with our kiddos... Sutton's not old enough to care, but Darby.... oh my! If he gets anything at all, a drink of water, a hug, a high five- she must have one too! If you ever figure it all out let me know! :):):)

Jen said...

I've been trying to think about whether I gave lots of options, including a plain 'ol friend birthday party. Did my "force my ideas on other people" create my problem to a certain extent? We could have just had friend parties on the weekend before and after... I think I will be more of a stickler about when the celebration is, too, because it's not really as fun when your day finally comes and it feels like more of an afterthought...

Fairness. It's over rated. It has been refreshing to have Ella over over the past few years because she never cared that her cup wasn't the same size or color as everyone else's at the table.:)

Sometimes I feel like I want everyone to have the best life possible and if that means spending a few extra bucks so everyone can have candy on our movie night, then I do it. Even if I didn't necessarily want everyone to have candy in the first place. I'm going to start trying to think through these situations because I am personally having a problem with allowing things to happen in my life that I don't feel good about afterwards and I'm having to ask myself why. Perhaps my children will be better stronger people if, in their own family life, they have learned to deal with not receiving something when other people are. I thought I was providing balance but perhaps I'm distorting and delaying a painful reality that they will have to learn in life.