Focus

I think I have ADHD. It never ocurred to me because I am in no way hyper. But it was just explained to me that it does not mean hyperactivity, it means that your attention is hyperactive, which means that it quickly focuses on one thing and then another- distraction, you might say. That, on the other hand is me to a T. Ever since I was young I was distracted by anything. It amazed me that people could actually complete homework while listening to music. All I could do was sing! I couldn't even focus enough to stay angry at someone. I would completely forget after five minutes. And that's even with concentrating!
You can ask anyone who's ever tried to have a conversation with me while I played the piano and they'll tell you," It's like talking to yourself." The lights are on but no one's home. I feel sorry for my children. Anymore, I don't even need a piano to stare right through them. There'll be screaming of some sort off in the distance, water running, and a sharp pain in my foot. All of a sudden, Isabel is standing in front of me, on my toe, crying," Aida hit me! Aida hit me!" Then I notice all the water on the kitchen floor and ,hey, the water is running... Looks like someone's been washing dishes. Where have I been? Not anywhere, I can assure you. Sometimes driving can be a scary thing. You know how when you're really tired and you realize you're not quite sure if you remember driving into a town, let alone, through it? It's not actually as bad as that, but it happens to me and I'm not even tired.
I thought it was pretty normal to work on seven things at once. I can unload the dish washer, start a load of laundry, hang up some clothes in the closet, pick up the bedroom floor, vacuum, make my bed, find a sippy cup, put it by the sink, notice I had the dish washer open for a reason, clean off a countertop, pick up a dirty rag, take it to the laundry room, realize I still needed a few more clothes items in order to start it, go to a bedroom, find a child creating a disaster, help with clean up, change their clothes, take it to the laundry room, still need more clothes, didn't finish hanging up those clothes on my bed, another sippy cup, and there I am in the kitchen again and the dish washer is still not loaded... Isn't that how everyone cleans? Getting in arguments with Ben are just not fair. I have a pretty bad memory, at least short term, so when he comes back with," You said this... blah, blah,blah.." I have no clue if I said that exact thing or not. Sometimes all I can come back with is," Well, I don't feel like I said that..." That's a great come back! It can be painful.
Listening to sermons are another hard one for me. If I have a child nearby me, which is usually the case, there is no possible way that I can hear the sermon. It's like doing homework with music on... I have a hard enough time focusing when my children are absent, let alone when they're coloring or sitting on me or moving around at all. If I don't have both eyes on the preacher every second, it's over. If I don't hear two sentences you can just wish me luck trying to connect the information two sentences ago with the new info I've just recieved. I can't remember that far back! I am very glad I am married to my, soon to be, forever preacher because I get to read his sermon the night before. Very helpful for a girl like me. I always know where he's going and know where he's been. I'm hopeful!
I think that's all I can take right now of self-revelation. Hopefully you will look at your own lives and think," I don't have it so bad." Maybe some of you will feel the need to toss up a prayer on my behalf, and that's okay, too. Just know the learning never ends. Peace be with you (and peace be with me, too)!